Making Lemonade

If you're new to my life - welcome! Let me catch you up a bit...

We are trying to conceive kid #3 and it's really hard. My body is problematic - aside from having dysautonomia and fibromyalgia, I also have interstitial cystitis. Something in my system is making it hard to get pregnant. This past month, I was on Clomid which was a horrible drug for me and it was an abysmal failure. It was horrible because of all of the side effects. And it's all fairly depressing.

When you have dysautonomia, you tend to feel your body going haywire more than most people. While I don't normally get pelvic cramps before my period, Clomid really allowed me to feel that pain. Additionally, most people don't feel ovulation but thanks to Clomid, I was in so much pain that I actually had to take a day off of work to deal with the pain. Holy. Hell. It was awful.

Along with pelvic pain, I had migraines, nausea, and moodiness. The moodiness is making it hard to parent properly ... especially while my husband is off on a business trip.

Parenting isn't easy for me. I'm trying to be a more positive parent and show positive reinforcement but this medication made that SO difficult and I found myself crying for two hours after my kids went to bed the other night. It was awful. Add insult to injury, kid #1 (who has SPD) was REALLY wound up after occupational therapy the other night. And I wasn't dealing with it well.

Since going to kindergarten, Yo is having a harder time transitioning back to home life after a loooong day of school. When he gets tired, he gets slap-happy and super giggly. Thanks to Sensory Processing Disorder, he also gets overstimulated by his slap-happiness and that makes the giggling worse. When he has to go to the bathroom and this is happening, the sensation of having to go sends him into overdrive.

Needless to say, Tuesday was a very awful day for both of us.

Between my mood swings and his over-stimulation/exhaustion - we were quite the pair.

Repeat that with kid #2 on Wednesday night. Except Looshie can tell me why he's upset - not just that's angry. But he's only 4 so he doesn't really know how to take personal responsibility for things like losing a toy because he was acting out. Still, my mood swings made me sorrowful and mournful last night after the kids went to bed. I allowed myself to feel everything going on and I started to question this path I'm on.

But this morning, I woke up with pelvic pain and the start of a migraine. I told myself that I had two choices: throw in the towel and stay home (where I would become more depressed) OR get up, shower and make myself look nice, and go to work where I could be easily distracted.

I made lemonade and got myself to work. I promised myself I'd read up on how to help Yo with his SPD. My doctor promised me she'd switch medications since Clomid was a colossal failure. I told Looshie we'd do something fun, just the two of us, after school while Yo was at theater practice at his school.

Making lemonade. I'm trying to do that more often...


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