Making Lemonade

If you're new to my life - welcome! Let me catch you up a bit...

We are trying to conceive kid #3 and it's really hard. My body is problematic - aside from having dysautonomia and fibromyalgia, I also have interstitial cystitis. Something in my system is making it hard to get pregnant. This past month, I was on Clomid which was a horrible drug for me and it was an abysmal failure. It was horrible because of all of the side effects. And it's all fairly depressing.

When you have dysautonomia, you tend to feel your body going haywire more than most people. While I don't normally get pelvic cramps before my period, Clomid really allowed me to feel that pain. Additionally, most people don't feel ovulation but thanks to Clomid, I was in so much pain that I actually had to take a day off of work to deal with the pain. Holy. Hell. It was awful.

Along with pelvic pain, I had migraines, nausea, and moodiness. The moodiness is making it hard to parent properly ... especially while my husband is off on a business trip.

Parenting isn't easy for me. I'm trying to be a more positive parent and show positive reinforcement but this medication made that SO difficult and I found myself crying for two hours after my kids went to bed the other night. It was awful. Add insult to injury, kid #1 (who has SPD) was REALLY wound up after occupational therapy the other night. And I wasn't dealing with it well.

Since going to kindergarten, Yo is having a harder time transitioning back to home life after a loooong day of school. When he gets tired, he gets slap-happy and super giggly. Thanks to Sensory Processing Disorder, he also gets overstimulated by his slap-happiness and that makes the giggling worse. When he has to go to the bathroom and this is happening, the sensation of having to go sends him into overdrive.

Needless to say, Tuesday was a very awful day for both of us.

Between my mood swings and his over-stimulation/exhaustion - we were quite the pair.

Repeat that with kid #2 on Wednesday night. Except Looshie can tell me why he's upset - not just that's angry. But he's only 4 so he doesn't really know how to take personal responsibility for things like losing a toy because he was acting out. Still, my mood swings made me sorrowful and mournful last night after the kids went to bed. I allowed myself to feel everything going on and I started to question this path I'm on.

But this morning, I woke up with pelvic pain and the start of a migraine. I told myself that I had two choices: throw in the towel and stay home (where I would become more depressed) OR get up, shower and make myself look nice, and go to work where I could be easily distracted.

I made lemonade and got myself to work. I promised myself I'd read up on how to help Yo with his SPD. My doctor promised me she'd switch medications since Clomid was a colossal failure. I told Looshie we'd do something fun, just the two of us, after school while Yo was at theater practice at his school.

Making lemonade. I'm trying to do that more often...

Season of Changes

Dysautonomia patients always seem to understand that when the weather shifts, so does your body...and not in the greatest of ways. What I didn't expect was the shift that happens in households during "back-to-school" season.

It's unseasonably cold in Michigan. This week, it'll be in the upper-70s which is great, if I can enjoy it. Last week, it was in the 50s and 60s. It made for a great first week of school for kid #1 but a horrific week for my body.

Back to school is a different kind of change for us - especially kid #1 who has Sensory Processing Disorder. We took him to his occupational therapy appointment last week and his therapist came out after a half hour and said she hasn't seen him this wound up since his first day with her. My heart sank. A half hour before, his kindergarten teacher called to talk about him. He got up every half hour to go to the bathroom. I explained it's one of three things:

1. He actually had to go to the bathroom ever 30 minutes.
2. His SPD was in overdrive, making him think he had to go to the bathroom that often.
3. His SPD was in overdrive and he needed a break from his perceived chaos. 

In my discussion with her, I explained that I understand teachers start making judgments about kids on their first day but I urged her to give him about six weeks because this is A LOT for him to process right now. He's a wonderful kid - very sweet and quiet - but he needs to start up with the school resources to keep him on schedule. Not being on a schedule isn't good for him and causes his little body to spaz out.

And he loves school. He asks to go on the weekend. That's how much he loves it. Even in preschool, he loved it. He just needs everyone in his corner.

That brings me to another change for him...he started Hebrew school on Sunday. Aside from learning about Judaism at home, Hebrew school is the formal Jewish education for children. Our synagogue has wonderful educators and staff - we're constantly reassured that people will take care of our kids and give them a good Jewish education. Yesterday, though, I could already see teachers and young staff members picking favorites. Thankfully, my kids don't notice that. But I do. I'm hyper-aware. 

I'm conscious of how people talk to me, the tones they use are very important to me. Some people don't recognize the tone they use to speak to people - myself included. Yesterday, though, it hit me that some educators won't be as loving or patient with my kids as I hope they'd be. The Jewish community has provisions in place to ensure every kid gets a proper Jewish education, if their parents want them to. So, I have to trust in the administrative staff at our synagogue to ensure that our son is not only educated but treated fairly. He may not be a teacher's favorite but he'll get the reinforced help he needs while he's being educated.

Regardless, they had a great first day of Hebrew school - which was followed by an awesome picnic. they LOVED it - face painting and all. The madrichim (counselors) were really amazing with our kids. One painted both of their faces. Another helped kid #1 up the ladder for the giant blow up slide (something he's NEVER wanted to try before). Kid #2 ate a few too many popsicles and enjoyed just running around. This is the season of changes for us. All good changes but they are also forcing me well outside my comfort zone and I will learn how to work with that.