The November Drag
|This has nothing to do with the November Drag. It's just funny.|
Fast forward a year, now I'm part of a community of people who share their stories. I'm also able to reflect on how I felt a year ago. One thing that sticks out is that I always feel like shit in November. Always. Fall used to be my favorite time of year. Bring on the pumpkin spice lattes! Now it brings on pain, too many work from home days, and nausea. SO MUCH NAUSEA.
I call it the November Drag. This month drags on. This time it's even worse because I'm being weaned off of a lot of my medicine so my symptoms now include:
- daily headaches
- a throbbing ulcer
- waves of nausea
- sinus pain
- neuropathy in my hands and feet
- lack of appetite
- bouts of gastroparesis
Sounds like fun, right? This is the story of my life.
Here's one thing you need to learn about me: I suck it up. I do. I suck it up and work through the pain. I do my hair and makeup, get dressed, and usually go into work (or work from home if it's really really bad). It has to be really really bad for me to work from home. I have to be near hospitalized for me to actually take a day off. That's right! I can be throwing up and dizzy and still work...from home. I push through the pain. Not every does. That's just me. I'm a-typical and I have a very demanding job.
But this November Drag, let me tell you, it's awful. The nausea is probably the worst for me. I can handle the rest of it but the nausea is so debilitating that it makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Imagine having the stomach flu 24/7...and that's what it's like for me.
Then the depression sets in, even though I've come to terms with my illness. I'm depressed because I hurt, and because I have so much work to do and little energy to get it done. Imagine how much energy it takes for you to feel well when you feel like shit...and that's me on a daily basis. And I have to work and take care of my family on top of it. I'm grateful when my husband can step in and help (which he does often) but I don't like feeling like an invalid.
So I suck it up. And I work. I get shit done. I move because moving is supposed to make you feel better, even though it hurts to move.
It'll be December soon and maybe my body will hurt less. Maybe. But, for now, I long for the days of summer when I felt fairly well.