Finding Yourself in the Midst of Chaos

My friend, Jeff, once told me that my life is always full of adventure. I prefer to think of it as chaos but "adventure" works well, too. This month is no exception. Next month will be just as chaotic (but a tad more fun).

Since starting the detox phase, I've had a few setbacks. I was really nauseated last week and into the weekend. By Sunday, my body just stopped cooperating with me. The detox pill was having an adverse effect on the issues I already have going on in my body. I became bloated, again. I gained a pound or two (likely from gas and lack of, um, waste). By Sunday afternoon, I pulled my sh*t together and made dinner for my cousins, my nephew and his girlfriend, and my lovely hubby. This was after 12 hours of resting and doing just about nothing. Cheating on my diet and then detoxing had a negative effect on me and it also got me back on course.

In the midst of all of this, I started to feel like my "old" self - while still dealing with my "new" self. My new normal is becoming my regular normal but my old self started popping through. I started to feel more comfortable in my body ... until I was at Costco and some lady (who saw me with the two boys) asked me when I was due and if I want a little girl. I politely told her I wasn't pregnant and wasn't expecting to be for a little while. That was quite a blow to my self esteem until my cousin, Tiff, came to the rescue and said she could see the change in how I look and how I felt.

On top of craziness at work, birthday parties, Valentine's Day, and potty training the older boy - I somehow started connecting with myself, again. This may be due to my (very) early-morning workouts where I either watch TV or read while I walk/run the treadmill. It's my "me" time. Being able to go to work with 5k steps already logged for the day has been amazing! I don't struggle trying to find time for me. I get it very early in the morning. And I really think this has helped me feel more confident in my own skin. I haven't felt that way since I was in my 20s.

It's crazy to think how kismet this journey has been. After years of feeling so broken, I am starting to feel whole again... but it took me being sick, getting depressed, and then starting a new lifestyle to finally get back to that point. There are rough days - and I feel them. But they are few and far between now. I'm really excited to share the rest of this journey with you.


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