Losing My Mom - One Year Later
|Don't judge a book by her bat mitzvah photo!|
We have two dates to abide by for remembering my mom's death: the Gregorian calendar which states she died December 12, 2014; and the Jewish calendar which states my mom died on the 21st of Kislev 5776. This year, that date falls on December 3rd - which is tomorrow. Technically, it starts tonight.
My mom died a few hours after Shabbat came in. That may not have any significance to most of you but it does to me. I asked my FB community to humor me and tell me what it means if someone dies on Shabbat. Their answers were fairly simple: it means the soul gets to rest and the person is a tzadik/as (righteous person). It seems SO fitting for my mom! My mom rarely rested - she was always busy. Even when she was sick - she was busy. She kicked my sister and I out of her hospital room one day because she was busy rescuing 30+ papillon dogs from an auction. Always. Busy.
And the work that she did for animals was definitely something that made her righteous.
But it's a year later. I'd give almost anything to hug her again.
When she first died, I felt her around me a lot. I knew she was round. One day I finally said "mom, I need to heal" and she disappeared. She needed to heal, too. To me, it wasn't healthy for a soul to watch the ones left behind - especially when they are in pain. But it's a year later and I'd like her to come back.
My mom was an amazing person. I learned a lot from her. But I miss her. I still cry a lot. And while this was the WORST year of my life, it's also the year I learned the most about myself. I grew. I became a different version of myself. I think she'd be proud of me, just as I was proud of her.