The Sky is Falling

Electrolyte water. Gin Gins. iPad. Pictures of my Mom.
Everything I need to function when I feel ill.
When I was a kid, my Bubba (grandmother) used to read me the story of Henny Penny - ya know, the chicken who thought the sky was falling and the world was coming to an end. Well, this morning, I felt like the sky was falling. I woke up late. I test my blood pressure (BP) twice - both times it was insanely high (which is NOT normal for me, it's normally very very very low). I was sweating like a pig (schvitzing like a chazer if you know Yiddish). My hair was sopping wet - even after blowing it dry straight. I scared the crap out of my youngest child and then my husband and I started fighting.

Whew. That's a lot to happen before 6:30am.

I feel gross. My symptoms are crazy acid reflux (like the kind where the acid hits the back of your throat), really bad nausea, aches and pains, a headache (again), rapid heart beat, and I think I'm getting thrush in my mouth (gross!). Did I mention aches and pains? It feels like I got hit by a truck.

I slept from 8:30pm to 5:10am - I tossed, turned, and physically woke up twice. By the time I woke up this morning, I had it. I was done. I'm so over this dysautonomia. I hit my breaking point this morning where all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. Depression sucks. And, yes, I'm depressed. You'd be depressed too if you constantly felt like the sky was falling.

Indeed, I felt like the sky was falling this morning. I just wanted today to be over. But I got up and went to work anyway (mostly because I don't want to give them a reason to let me go). Going to work helps me most days. It gives me something else to focus on but it's really hard to focus on keywords and algorithms when you'd rather be laying down while still focusing on keywords and algorithms.

So, this is what it's like living in my body. You have good days and you have bad days. Today is a bad day. Today is a day where I really just wanted to give in and stay home. Today is a day where I may likely cry at my desk because the pain I'm feeling is so bad that it hurts like hell. Today, I feel like I'm living in hell. Maybe tomorrow will be better. 


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