Anxiety + Symptoms = Chaos

How we look when I'm sick and tired.
One of my close family members is really sick. I won't go too far into detail because it's not my story to share - even though it definitely affects me. I'm sitting in a hospital right now - waiting in the post-op surgical waiting area. I'm waiting. Just waiting. It can take two hours for my loved one to regain consciousness. I'm nervous, worried, and anxious - so my symptoms are going INSANE. This has been going on since last night.

Last night I envisioned sitting here and waiting. Then my symptoms started going nuts. My nausea got worse. I was convinced I was going to barf. I couldn't calm my system down. My heart was racing. My blood pressure was really low. I was having what most people categorize as a panic attack but this is just what happens when my symptoms encounter anxiety.

So, for now I just sit and pray - anxiously awaiting word that I can go see how my loved one is doing. I'm contemplating. I'm meditating. I'm also working - just to keep my mind off of the question "what is it?" and the other question "what's the treatment for what ever this is?" I'm trying to keep my anxiety levels down so I don't become the center of attention and wind up in here on my own. It's not my show. I don't want to be the center of this.

Sit. Pray. Show gratitude. Sit. Pray. Show gratitude.

Don't throw up.


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