Yes, I'm Still Sick

If you're new to my life - welcome! Let me catch you up a bit...

We are trying to conceive kid #3 and it's really hard. My body is problematic - aside from having dysautonomia and fibromyalgia, I also have interstitial cystitis. Something in my system is making it hard to get pregnant. This past month, I was on Clomid which was a horrible drug for me and it was an abysmal failure. It was horrible because of all of the side effects. And it's all fairly depressing.

When you have dysautonomia, you tend to feel your body going haywire more than most people. While I don't normally get pelvic cramps before my period, Clomid really allowed me to feel that pain. Additionally, most people don't feel ovulation but thanks to Clomid, I was in so much pain that I actually had to take a day off of work to deal with the pain. Holy. Hell. It was awful.

Along with pelvic pain, I had migraines, nausea, and moodiness. The moodiness is making it hard to parent properly ... especially …

Dysautonomia patients always seem to understand that when the weather shifts, so does your body...and not in the greatest of ways. What I didn't expect was the shift that happens in households during "back-to-school" season.

It's unseasonably cold in Michigan. This week, it'll be in the upper-70s which is great, if I can enjoy it. Last week, it was in the 50s and 60s. It made for a great first week of school for kid #1 but a horrific week for my body.

Back to school is a different kind of change for us - especially kid #1 who has Sensory Processing Disorder. We took him to his occupational therapy appointment last week and his therapist came out after a half hour and said she hasn't seen him this wound up since his first day with her. My heart sank. A half hour before, his kindergarten teacher called to talk about him. He got up every half hour to go to the bathroom. I explained it's one of three things:

He actually had to go to the bathroom ever 30 minute…

There's so much running through my brain right now that it's hard for me to put my thoughts into words but I'm going to try.

My grandfather went into the hospital on my anniversary - he was ill and very uncomfortable. Four days later he passed away. He died last Saturday, which coincided with the day Nazis decided to take over Charlottesville and were met with resistance.

I missed most of the action on the news because I was so focused on my ailing grandfather. I'm glad I did. Let me say it, again: I'm glad I missed the action. I was right where I needed to be.

In case you haven't figured it out, I'm Jewish. I come from a very long line of proud Jews and I'm the product of four Holocaust survivors.

I'm grateful my grandfather missed the insane action on Saturday.

He moved to this country with my grandmother and father after the Holocaust. He rebuilt his life, the community around him, and his family. He was one of those people who built a community…

As someone with a chronic illness, I know most of my limitations. If I do too much in the morning, I'm not doing anything after 2pm. If I do too much in the evening, I will feel like I had the best work out of my life, but in a painful way, the next morning.

Yet, I'm active. As active as I can be. I get tired easily, though.

Case-in-point: I had a rough day yesterday. The news about the death of a friend hit me really hard. I didn't want to parent - I wanted to be left alone to process my feelings. However, one kid needed to go to Occupational Therapy and I had to drag the other along with him. It was exhausting. I had to rest when I got home before meeting some family for dinner.

That doesn't sound like stuff that should be exhausting but it is.

A post on The Mighty got me thinking. There's so much stuff we share within our community of similar people that we don't share online for various fears. Those fears are anything from judgement that we look tired to j…

I have two little boys and they are growing up quickly. Over the last year or so, they started to realize that their mom isn't like all the other moms. They started realizing that their mom is sick. They notice when I need to rest. They can see when I have a migraine. They can also tell when I can't handle their shit anymore because my body feels broken and I can't focus on two things at once. They know. They know I'm not at my healthiest. They also know when I have good days. I'm fairly certain they can see when I suck it up so we can go to cool and fun stuff as a family.

I suck it up, a lot. I do. I try really hard to. Mostly because I want them to have a fun childhood. My mom was amazing but when she was ill - especially when I was younger - she didn't suck it up. We missed a lot of things because she wasn't feeling well. Much of my 12th year of life was taking care of her when she got home from work. I'd make dinner, and she'd go to sleep after…

I'm not gonna lie - this week is rough. After feeling relatively OK during the early part of the week, I was blindsided yesterday with a migraine and hormones.

Holy hormones, Batman!

Let me back-up. I'm off my birth control because, as I mentioned a while back, we're trying to conceive kid #3. While on birth control, my menstrual cycle was normal, and my dysautonomia symptoms were in check. I knew to take iron pills when Aunt Flo (AF) showed up heavily and I knew to drink a boatload of Gatorade for a week (as opposed to the one or two glasses I need of it, daily).

Birth control also kept my chronic nausea in check because it balanced out my hormones. When I asked my OB/GYN about going off of birth control, she asked "are you sure you want to do this?" I was sure because we want another child.

Sometimes I regret that decision. Right now is one of those times.

On top of the major shifts in hormones, I told you guys about my chronic migraines. Well, with a shift in…

You guys....we had the most amazing weekend. Truly. We spent lots of time outside and I didn't pass out or get sick once. I mean, I DID need to go to bed at 7 or 8pm twice but I felt pretty good through this great Independence weekend. Ya know...minus the scalding sun burn I have now...which is what I get for sitting outside for so long.

One of the other things we did besides sit out side was create a calm-down-corner/reading nook for our oldest son.

Yo has SPD (sensory processing disorder) and expressive/receptive language impairment. You're probably thinking one of two things:
1) What the hell is that?
2) Doesn't EVERY kid have something nowadays?

So, let me answer #2 first - no. Not every kid has something. If you met my oldest, you would think he's a perfectly "normal" kid...until you spend some time with him. Then you start to see his little quirks. A therapist last year told us he seemed fine and would grow out of his quirky behavior. In the course of a…