Yes, I'm Still Sick

I have two little boys and they are growing up quickly. Over the last year or so, they started to realize that their mom isn't like all the other moms. They started realizing that their mom is sick. They notice when I need to rest. They can see when I have a migraine. They can also tell when I can't handle their shit anymore because my body feels broken and I can't focus on two things at once. They know. They know I'm not at my healthiest. They also know when I have good days. I'm fairly certain they can see when I suck it up so we can go to cool and fun stuff as a family.

I suck it up, a lot. I do. I try really hard to. Mostly because I want them to have a fun childhood. My mom was amazing but when she was ill - especially when I was younger - she didn't suck it up. We missed a lot of things because she wasn't feeling well. Much of my 12th year of life was taking care of her when she got home from work. I'd make dinner, and she'd go to sleep after…

I'm not gonna lie - this week is rough. After feeling relatively OK during the early part of the week, I was blindsided yesterday with a migraine and hormones.

Holy hormones, Batman!

Let me back-up. I'm off my birth control because, as I mentioned a while back, we're trying to conceive kid #3. While on birth control, my menstrual cycle was normal, and my dysautonomia symptoms were in check. I knew to take iron pills when Aunt Flo (AF) showed up heavily and I knew to drink a boatload of Gatorade for a week (as opposed to the one or two glasses I need of it, daily).

Birth control also kept my chronic nausea in check because it balanced out my hormones. When I asked my OB/GYN about going off of birth control, she asked "are you sure you want to do this?" I was sure because we want another child.

Sometimes I regret that decision. Right now is one of those times.

On top of the major shifts in hormones, I told you guys about my chronic migraines. Well, with a shift in…

You guys....we had the most amazing weekend. Truly. We spent lots of time outside and I didn't pass out or get sick once. I mean, I DID need to go to bed at 7 or 8pm twice but I felt pretty good through this great Independence weekend. Ya know...minus the scalding sun burn I have now...which is what I get for sitting outside for so long.

One of the other things we did besides sit out side was create a calm-down-corner/reading nook for our oldest son.

Yo has SPD (sensory processing disorder) and expressive/receptive language impairment. You're probably thinking one of two things:
1) What the hell is that?
2) Doesn't EVERY kid have something nowadays?

So, let me answer #2 first - no. Not every kid has something. If you met my oldest, you would think he's a perfectly "normal" kid...until you spend some time with him. Then you start to see his little quirks. A therapist last year told us he seemed fine and would grow out of his quirky behavior. In the course of a…

Sometimes life hands you lemons and you can make lemonade. Sometimes life hands you lemons and you cry because your head hurts so much that you don't know what to do with those lemons.

I'm the latter over the last few weeks.

I still have some good days where I feel AMAZING and then I have some really awful days, like today, where I wonder what I was thinking coming into work when I feel so awful.

But I like to show my coworkers that I'm strong enough to be here.

Last week, I was not. I went to bed with a migraine and woke up with what felt like a tornado swirling in my head. The meds I took before I went to bed didn't work. But I still tried to go to work...until I got sick on the side of the road and went back home.

Migraines like this are horrific. It's the only way I can describe it. I've come to understand that some people, who may only get migraines occasionally, need to rest because their heads hurt in such a way that movement makes them ill. I'm rar…

This morning, my friend Sarah asked "what are you grateful for?" My answer:
"My current healthcare where I cannot get kicked off my insurance because my body fails me. I'm having a bad flare up that came out of no where and it's making me think back to when I wasn't allowed affordable health insurance - even through an employer."

You see, there was a time not too long ago when I was denied health insurance.

Let's backtrack: I was 22 when I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis (IC). Like dysautonomia, there were doctors who didn't believe IC was a real disorder or disease. At the time I was getting tested until the time I was diagnosed, I had insurance. By the time I had a diagnosis, my insurance told me this was a pre-existing condition that I didn't disclose and I was kicked off my insurance. None of my bills were paid.

I was 22. I didn't know how to navigate the red tape and the bureaucratic system. I felt so lost. How could I get k…

Having this disorder sucks most of the time but I'm of the belief that I need to be positive about it. One day, I will be healthy. I will have good days. I will keep my life as normal as possible.

But when I'm having off days where I feel yucky, I get excited for little bonuses. A few days ago, I received my VoxBox in the mail and it was such a picker-upper. I like getting to try new products, especially when I get to give an honest opinion in return.

So, I got my VoxBox for free from Influenster and I dove right in. Sometimes I have a hard time not ripping open the box so I can take pictures. This time, the kids reminded me to take pictures, first. The pics are not pretty.

Here's what I got:
SkinnyPop Microwavable PopcornProbiotic GummiesSay Yes To... facial maskCoconut milk shampoo and conditionerAlways pads (which are always useful)and a coupon for free yogurt
So far, I've tried the popcorn, probiotic gummies, the pads, and the hair care products.
Here are my honest …

So sorry for not writing more. Life has been...busy.

Fair warning - this is going to be an emotional post.

Getting pregnant is a scientific miracle. There's  a scientific reason for how it happens but, for me, it's like finding a needle in a haystack - which makes it a miracle.

Before hubs and I got married, I was told that it was going to take me a long time to get pregnant so I should start before getting married. Mind you, I was living in Israel and my OB/GYN was relatively conservative and religious. But he wasn't dumb. We weren't really trying but we weren't "not" trying, either. I miscarried a few months before my wedding. I told no one - not even hubs.

The next time I miscarried was right after our honeymoon and hubs was in Miluim (reserve duty in the Israeli Defense Forces). Again, I told no one. I was already freaking out that my husband was playing with landmines for a few weeks - I didn't want to deal with people's sympathies.

The thir…